


sins of the father

by Ro29



Series: Lives Happen in Spirals [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (Thank you Jango and assorted Clone characters), Boba Fett probably needs a hug, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jango Fett is a really fucking complex character, Kamino is awful, POV Second Person, Parents hurt you in unexpected ways sometimes, The issues being one clone of millions and yet the only one deemed worthy of love can bring, There Is A Hug, and is a dick, i never thought i would type that and yet here we are, the clones deserved better, there are...a lot of emotional issues here, who loves his only son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26892169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro29/pseuds/Ro29
Summary: This is how to be Boba Fett
Relationships: Boba Fett & Jango Fett, Boba Fett & Original Clone Trooper Character(s)
Series: Lives Happen in Spirals [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051664
Comments: 18
Kudos: 103





	sins of the father

**Author's Note:**

> oh gosh okay, so, I was getting ready for bed, took a shower, this popped into my head and I proceeded to speed through the shower, grab the laptop and type this out in an hour. I have no idea where it came from, it's not edited and honestly I made myself cry a bit. So enjoy!

This is how to be Boba Fett.

You need to be small, you need to be three and loved and warm and happy even though outside of this place you share with _buir_ it is cold and scary and filled with white, white, _white_.

You need to cling to the warmth of your father and the sound of his voice as he sings to you just slightly off pitch.

You need to fall asleep and feel loved. You need to be young and you need to be innocent.

You need to be five and bigger now and watching the other kids with your face but bigger, so much bigger, or your face but so tiny, or your face and why are they all your face? You need to decide, when _buir_ is gone for a moment, to brave the cold, scary place outside of your home.

You need to make a friend, you need to find a child who wears your face and is fighting back tears from his _blue blue blue_ eyes, that are different from yours even though he looks like he’s been copy pasted into existence, arms wrapped tight around his knees in the little space where he’s hiding and shaking to pieces over something you don’t understand.

You need to creep up next to him and curl into his side, he’s the same height as you but he seems both bigger and smaller at the same time. You need to ask him what’s wrong and he will look at you with panic in his blue, blue, _blue_ eyes and bruised cheek and split lip and he will tell you that you need to go away and hide and that you _can’t let the longnecks find you here don’t let them find you or they’ll take you away and you’re still so Little keep your head down I’m okay_.

You need to be confused, and a little bit scared. You need to ask the child with your face and different eyes and bruised cheek, split lip, teary-eyed panic why he’s hiding here if it’s dangerous. You need to ask if the longnecks are the people _buir_ doesn’t like, the ones who come talk to him sometimes who he doesn’t let you near.

He will be scared and confused and then he will ask you what your name is and you will tell him your name is Boba Fett and you won’t understand the sudden terror in his eyes or the desperation in his voice when he tells you to go back to your _buir_ and to swear to not tell anyone about this.

You will be upset and fight back tears and start to scream and he will wrap you in his arms in a hug that reminds you of _buir_ and he will beg you to be quiet and do what he asked you and you will agree.

You need to go back to your father like you promised and then you need to forget about the promise, make yourself into a liar and tell your _buir_ about your sad new friend. You need to be too caught up in your excitement to notice the way _buir_ gets quiet, the way you break your promise without thought.

To be Boba Fett, you need to wake up one day and hear your _buir_ talking to the people he doesn’t like, the ones with the longnecks and you need to hear about how there is a number who has been sent away, to march ahead. To be Boba Fett you need to never see the big-little kid with blue eyes and your face who hugged you even when you were going to be loud and angry in his hiding spot again.

To be Boba Fett you need to wonder what makes you and the other boy different, that _buir_ doesn't let you near the longnecks ever, but let's them take the boy away never to be seen again.

Was it the eyes? You need to think, staring at your face in the mirror, the eyes were different even though everything else was the same.

But no, because you will have seen other children now, seen how most of their eyes are the same colour as yours are, that they look like you in almost every way.

You need to watch your face in the mirror, think of the way _buir_ only hugs you close, only tells you that you are his _ad_ and loved, that you are perfect and everything.

You need to hug yourself, and think of what might happen if you ever stop being any of the things he wants. The other kids are trained and will be good soldiers one day, you know this, have heard _buir_ speak about it.

There are rooms upon rooms filled with good soldiers who could be perfect sons if given a chance, it would not be hard to replace you.

There is nothing different about you and them.

To be Boba Fett, you need to realize that your _buir_ only loves you because of chance. You need to hide away just like the other boy who wears, _wore,_ your face and cry and sob and shake through the awful, awful feeling in your chest as you realize that if anything had been the slightest bit different, your _buir_ would not care about you, would disavow you and give all the love he hoards away from the other children to some other child he’s claimed as the worthy one, the one he loves and cherishes.

To be Boba Fett, realize that Jango Fett has one son and millions of weapons.

Now pick yourself up, 5 and shaky and determined, and spend the rest of your life proving you are a good son, the perfect son. The only son.

(To be Boba Fett, watch it all burn down around you on a red sand planet with a purple lightsaber and the children you spent years trying to prove you deserved love more than they did all grown up and dying all around you.

To be Boba Fett, be eleven and alone and have the thing you put all of yourself into, the thing you spent years fighting to keep, be reduced to nothing with a single strike.

Be alone as the children who were raised to die fall lifeless around you and have the only one who wanted you die in front of you.)

You don’t get to stay there, you don’t get to follow your _buir_ and all of the children your _buir_ failed, you leave. You remember the hum of a purple _jetii’kad_ and you think to yourself, ‘If my _buir_ is gone then you should be too.’

Make mistakes. Find out everything you can about the _jetii_ , find someone willing to help you.

Make your biggest mistake, and trust Sing.

The Jedi doesn’t die, and you have the blood of those children _buir_ failed on your hands. You were so focused on _buir_ you never gave them a thought and that is a pattern in your life now. Forgetting about them, throwing them away, they are you and what you could have been and you reject it so violently that you don’t even register it.

There are so many dead now, that you caused. So much suffering you’ve inflicted to try and ease your own.

That, at least, is a constant. Your happiness only comes from others suffering, your pain brings others pain.

To be Boba Fett, realize that nothing is fair and nothing is kind, not for you.

Do not think about Ponds and everyone else aboard the _jetii’s_ ship.

Do not think of the little boy with the warm hug and injured face and blue eyes.

(There is a lot to think about, in prison.)

To be Boba Fett, be thirteen and so achingly alone and sad and angry that you are drained dry.

Be thirteen in prison and want nothing more than to see your _buir_ and live in the little apartment on Kamino where you were loved. Be thirteen and wish desperately for the time before you were five and too curious and ruined it all.

Realize, for the first time, that you’ve shaped yourself into something monstrous.

**Author's Note:**

> jetii: Jedi
> 
> jetii'kad: lightsaber
> 
> buir: parent (father in this context)
> 
> If you want to find me other places I have a [writing tumblr](https://rose-blooms-red.tumblr.com) and a [fandom tumblr](https://themessofthecentury.tumblr.com)
> 
> Please come yell at me about Star Wars and DC!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Blood is Thicker](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917630) by [GraceEliz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraceEliz/pseuds/GraceEliz)
  * [Poor Man's Riches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28010523) by [GraceEliz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraceEliz/pseuds/GraceEliz), [Ro29](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro29/pseuds/Ro29)




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